our small romance
encourages escape”
During a depression downswing, it’s common for the desire to do anything to disappear. Yes, the sex drive bottoms out. But it’s also common for the ability to get excited over things that should thrill us to be unattainable. And that’s what happened as last week progressed.
This makes the alliterative “drizzling desire” meaningful in multiple ways. The motivating desires right now are being strangled to something inconsistent, which may become nonexistent for a while. Yet desire is also something that can seep through without really knowing.
I’m in a depressive episode, and for this I have turned to my escapism: novel writing. I’m a romance novelist. I’m a romance novelist as a coping mechanism. Truthfully it helps both during depression and mania. Story is the safest space to deal with myself, putting my characters through extreme circumstances that are often traumatic, and ultimately know that I have control over absolutely everything coming out perfectly in my version of a romantic ideal.
What’s sweet about this message is that my escapism, my coping mechanism, is seen as a good thing. As a tool that my spirit community supports. Even if I sit with the novel for only a little bit at a time just to push through, I feel better in the moment, and when I get through the depressive episode to the other side, I’m always thrilled by the revelations. Catharsis happens in waves. And bipolar persons know the ebbs and flows.
In case anyone out there needs this, I see you. Just keep swimming. Or writing. Or praying. Or breathing.
Dr. Pyrate
Magnetic Poetry Tarot 