“Religious texts tell us that humans evolved from Pirates.” Source: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (opens in a new window).
I swear, the FSM is the first thing I thought of with today’s pick. Maybe there is life on Mars! The FSM whose meatballs are made of sausage. I’m a little worried about a rock spine, though, but I bet it keeps predators from eating it. You know, humans once they try to land and colonize doing anything they can to get away from American pariahs trying to destroy America. Even if the New York Times (opens in a new window) is trying to explain that current moves are not trying to incite war with North Korea, and #45’s red button on his desk is simply to summon Cokes (opens in new window), which Stephen Colbert takes on in conjunction with the tax policies.
Oh! WAIT. Maybe the FSM is actually our hope to send #45 to Mars!